there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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