God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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