My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
