I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
