wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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