I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
