Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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