My liver just broke up with me...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
