So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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