brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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