haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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