last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
