I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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