What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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