Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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