I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
