i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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