I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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