I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
