I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
