i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
