So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
