i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
