Swine flu. Run for my life!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
