What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I stole a fireplace last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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