the condom got lost in my hair
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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