According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
