I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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