Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
