new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
