I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
