Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
