Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
