so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize