dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
