turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
