margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
