I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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