I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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