My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
