Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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