McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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