no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
