No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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