All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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