I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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