i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drake has all the answers
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
