champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
