yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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