Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
