I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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