I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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