I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
