I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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