Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
