Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
