Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
