I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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