yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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