How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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