Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
