Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
