The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
