still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize