I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
