I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
