so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
