So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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