Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
