I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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