That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
