i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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