i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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