i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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