So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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