Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
