Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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