The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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