Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
