i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
