theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
