Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
