this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
