So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
