your room smells of hookers.
And success
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
