If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
