I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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