i used baking grease as lip gloss
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
