i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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